Conspiracy theories are a precise science. Although some dismiss their adherents as schizophrenics, paranoids, and employees of Ukraine's Ministry of Truth, the truth is, it's all serious. Simply grasp the thread, and a complete picture of the grimy global underworld will emerge. Below (or above), we'll introduce you to the basics of conspiracy theory. On December 6th, Spanish police seized a vessel in the Mediterranean Sea carrying thirteen tons of hashish. The crew consisted of ten Ukrainians (all volunteers) and one Georgian.
That same day, Mikheil-Mikael Saakashvili, the provincial governor of the Odessa region, published a terrifying, mind-boggling infographic depicting the theft of billions of dollars. At the center of the diagram, drawn with a simple ruler and marker, is Prime Minister Arseniy Yatsenyuk, who protects well-known Ukrainian oligarchs. Almost all of them. Coincidence? I don't think so.
Everyone remembers how Arseniy, along with the Minister of Defense, was urgently summoned to the aircraft carrier "Harry Truman," which was patrolling the Mediterranean Sea.
No one knows what exactly they did to them there. Judging by the photos, they were treated well, even dressed in white robes, which symbolize innocence in some cultures. And in China, white is a symbol of mourning. Forty-eight hours later, a ship carrying hashish (delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol) was detained. Coincidence? A coincidence? I don't think so.
Yegor Sobolev, head of the parliamentary committee on legalizing corruption, declared that the new head of government should be a foreigner, untainted by corruption. Two days later, Latvian Prime Minister Laimdota Straujuma announced her resignation. Billboards appeared in Kyiv with the slogan "Run, Rabbit, Run!" and the date: December 11, 2015. And don't forget the ship with the drugs and the lone Georgian. Coincidence? At this point, even Pritula (owner of "UP") could have figured out the puzzle, with all the ensuing consequences. And the US Vice President arrived exactly 24 hours after the resignation of the Latvian prime minister with the unpronounceable surname. Incidentally, Arseniy had left for Brussels but is expected back for dinner. Joe Biden is meeting him at the Cabinet of Ministers' club. Another coincidence, you say? I don't think so.
It's crucial to capture and identify hidden digital codes in news reports. 13 tons of hashish + 1 detained Georgian = Saakashvili. Joe Biden arrived in Kyiv at exactly midnight (12). He was met by three women wrapped in scarves, one Klitschko, and one loaf of bread with a salt-less trident. Vitaliy thought he was meeting the German Chancellor, so he addressed the American Vice President in German. So, three women, twelve hours, and thirteen tons of cocaine, the market value of which, expressed in half a liter, is comparable to the thefts of the Yatsenyuk government. Again, you'll say, a coincidence? I'm not so sure. Before us emerges a complete, one might even say finished, picture of the entire underbelly of global geopolitics. Everything that's happening is links in a single chain, which international intelligence officers are trying to hide from inquisitive volunteers.
In fact, it's all obvious. In just 24 hours, three grenades appeared in the capital: one was blown up in Kyiv by an ATO hero, the second was detonated by another ATO hero in a parking lot (where else?), and the third was simply lying in Podil. Thirteen tons of confiscated hashish, three grenades, the resignation of this woman from Latvia (or Lithuania). Another coincidence? I don't think so.
Speaker Groysman confirmed three times at a meeting of the conciliation council of parliamentary groups and factions that the government's annual progress report should be held on Friday, the eleventh (thirteen tons!!!). Biden is meeting with Arseniy on the seventh. Klitschko met Biden at midnight, mistaking him for a German. It all fits. Just perfectly. Exactly. What does Putin have to do with it, you might ask? It's simple: as soon as Dzhemilev reached an agreement with Poroshenko to resume electricity supplies to Crimea (remember the hashish!), the Kremlin junta, represented by the Right Sector, resumed blockading the peninsula so that only Vladimir Vladimirovich could provide the power for the sake of cheap PR.
Add to this the fact that immediately after the Mediterranean operation, a heated discussion of quantum physics erupted on the Ukrainska Pravda forum, a gathering of refined patriots. Judging by the frequency of mentions of muons, Higgs bosons, and even quarks in the context of string theory, this suggests a severe withdrawal among users who are clearly missing something. Let's move on. Yulia Tymoshenko's speech, calling the government's actions "chaos," seems perfectly logical in this context. This refers to so-called chaos theory, which posits that complex systems are extremely dependent on external circumstances, and even small changes can lead to unpredictable consequences. And here we're talking about nothing less than a gigantic shipment of Afghan hashish. Furthermore, despite her age, Tymoshenko has once again braided her hair, tightly blocking the blood supply to her frontal lobes. Coincidence?
As I write these lines, the power went out in my house. There will be no power on December 7th and 8th. Biden's visit lasts from the 7th to the 8th. And add hashish. Coincidence? I'm not sure.
Alexander Zubchenko, page Facebook
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