In short, a space blockade of occupied Crimea will soon begin, but we'll tell you about that at the end, since the information is top secret. First, let's talk about how Ukraine's energy independence is growing stronger. It's scary to even write about how much stronger we've become. Now we can simply ignore Russian gas and their vaunted fuel assemblies (fuel assemblies stuffed into vintage reactors from the Soviet era and Chernobyl). The lashing out at Gazprom continues; they don't have much time left.
The logic is this: the largest gas fields in Europe are located in Romania, Slovakia, and Hungary. Any patriot can explain this to you with their fingers. Finally, the country's top political leadership has had the willpower to admit that Gazprom, like the rest of Russia, is a phantom. In reality, the cheapest gas in the world is produced by Romanian and Slovak Roma, who are like brothers to us. Therefore, Ukraine now buys the cheapest and, damn it, highest-quality gas directly from Europe. That's it, Russia, goodbye, hello to the EU, represented by those peace-loving and caring Roma gas workers. Now, even if Naftogaz Ukraine is raped in the most vulgar sense of the word, no one will spend a dollar on Russian gas. Moreover, literally next year, Natalia Yaresko, a citizen of a superpower, has promised rapid economic growth and a surplus for Naftogaz. This isn't prostatitis, as many might have thought, but a genuine surplus.
On gas, there's crystal clarity—absolute independence. Now on electricity. Everyone knows there's no power or food in Crimea because Crimean Tatars blew up power lines for purely humanitarian reasons. The whole world applauded Refat Chubarov and that... little guy... Dzhemilev! They were simply titans. National colossuses! They brought Putin to his knees.
The main thing is not to fall into the Kremlin propaganda trap. Yesterday, a supposed Kremlin dwarf said he was giving the order to resume coal supplies to Ukraine, because Kyiv had allegedly turned on the power to Crimea again. This is a pure lie and insinuation, aimed at naive people who have never shouted "Glory to Ukraine!" fifteen times in a row.
I will thoroughly dismantle the false claims of Putin's terrorist propaganda machine. Firstly, there has never been, nor is there, any exchange of electricity for coal. We don't need the so-called Russian energy flows, as we have fully diversified our nuclear fuel supplies. Yes, we temporarily turned on some power because, according to Chubarov, the contract for electricity supplies to Crimea needs to be renegotiated. The process will take two weeks, so in light of the prospect of EU membership, a small current was turned on through one small line. Secondly, Donbas is traditionally Ukrainian territory, so Putin can call the shots at home. We supply our own coal and are completely independent of it.
In South Africa, our sister ships are working three shifts, like Stakhanovites, loading yet another ship with top-grade coal at fifty-six dollars a ton, not counting transportation and unloading costs. Russia is once again in the red and can't compete with the international brotherhood of the South African and Ukrainian nations.
We don't depend on coal, or gas. Now about fuel assemblies. I recently listened to a guy in camouflage tell me that soon we'll be buying all our fucking nuclear fuel from Europe. Plus, there's the American Westinghouse, with whom we're standing shoulder to shoulder in repelling Russian aggression. Ukrainian scientists have discovered that if you stick an American or European fuel assembly into a Soviet reactor, some very interesting processes occur. Red lights flash, everything boils, heat is generated, transformers go to hell, and the current is spitting like crazy! As a result, the efficiency and, most importantly, the cost of nuclear power increases exponentially, as does the ass of the chief power engineer, who is closely monitoring this intriguing process.
Yes, our comrades at the IAEA (or whatever they're called) aren't yet accustomed to such extreme methods of extracting energy from hand-split uranium from American-made assemblies. They mutter something about nuclear incidents. They're just playing into the Kremlin's propaganda machine. But ask any employee of the South Ukraine Nuclear Power Plant: what does it feel like when American assemblies are shoved into the reactor? And they'll tell you: they literally feel sexually aroused by the process, it even makes their hair stand on end. That's it! That's our diversification.
Now about the Crimea blockade. It will continue forever, since the occupiers pretend to power the peninsula via an underwater cable. In reality, they are panicking over the consistent and precise actions of the blockade's organizers. Recently, one of the Azov fighters went into the bushes on a serious matter, tripped a tripwire, and a rocket launched. Shooting erupted, and in the coordinated, efficient, and concerted actions of the Right Sector, Tatars, and Azov fighters, three or four Russian sabotage and reconnaissance groups and one tank, which later turned out to be a tractor, were destroyed. It's clear that Putin is terrified of the Crimea blockade. He's humiliatingly trying to intrigue, and to that end, he's sending all Ukrainian negotiators packing. But we won't be broken!
Now about the space blockade. After all these so-called academic scientists had their salaries cut and were thrown out into the street, science in Ukraine began to advance by leaps and bounds. It turned out that children are capable of completely replacing entire academic institutes, all those quantum-nuclear scams. Ternopil schoolchildren have confidently reached the forefront of the latest high-tech developments. Everyone has already been amazed by the development of an impenetrable helmet made of Lego bricks. According to the creator of this unique design, a twelve-year-old schoolboy from an abandoned village in the Ternopil region, "a single bullet doesn't penetrate the barrier, because after a lot of bullets, it tumbles and falls." They are currently looking for a volunteer from the ATO zone who would agree to test the helmet in the field. But that's not the point. During a brainstorming session at a Ternopil kindergarten, the idea of a space blockade of Crimea emerged. The naval, land, and air blockade are in place, but space remains. A powerful Ukrainian space constellation is planned to be launched, consisting of a single satellite, to which a piece of foil will be attached with the inscription "Putin is a dick!" Immediately, uprisings and storming of FSB district offices by crowds of true Ukrainians, enraged by hunger, will begin on the peninsula. Period.
Alexander Zubchenko, Versions
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