Exactly two years ago, on December 2, something terrible happened: the dollar sank to 8,22! Experts panicked, accusing Mykola Azarov's misanthropic regime of national genocide, predicting rising bread prices, and demanding the immediate execution and resignation of the entire Cabinet. The only disagreement was over the order of action: first execute and then dismiss, or vice versa?
Wait until you laugh. That same day, MP David Zhvania announced that he was angrily and indignantly resigning from the Party of Regions faction. Simultaneously, he declared that as early as December 3, the Verkhovna Rada would dismiss the Azarov Cabinet of Ministers, so hated by all Ukrainians. David Vazhaevych then outlined a brief action plan, the main point of which was "adopting amendments to the Constitution regarding the decentralization of power." And now, two years later, the dream of Zhvania, whom no one knows or even recognizes except Iryna Gerashchenko, who habitually begs him for a salary increase, is close to being realized. Before his trip to Lithuania (Ukraine's strategic ally, the second superpower in Kyiv's geopolitical hierarchy after Turkey), the Supreme Commander-in-Chief declared: there must be three hundred votes in the Rada to adopt decentralization! Period.
Zhvania was supported by his closest ally, the people's tribune, orator, boxer, and Fichte aficionado Vitali Klitschko. Exactly two years ago, he managed to peer into the future, something few people can do: "The government's resignation isn't enough; a complete reboot of power is necessary, because the culprits will be found, and they'll claim innocence. We need to change the system; we're not satisfied with anything else." Tell me, isn't he a prophet?
The slogans put forward by Vitalik and David two years ago are more relevant than ever in December 2015. Everyone is demanding the resignation of Arseniy Yatsenyuk's government—from the brilliant managers of Georgia to the veterans of the Azov Battalion, who are still waiting for Firtash to fly back from Vienna. However, Arseniy only laughs in the faces of those who covet his furry coat. He mockingly asks: So who are you, Eplans, going to put in my place? A parliamentary coalition is a no-no for you, you shameful wolves! I slaughtered your kind in Chechnya in 1992!
And nothing can be done about it. At all. There are no more such rabbits with nerves of steel in the country.
Moreover, the Ministry of Finance, represented (if one can call it that) by Natalia Yaresko, published a presentation of the new Tax Code on its website, in the best traditions of the Jehovah's Witnesses. Using pictures, incomprehensible numbers and symbols, they explain to people that the second coming of true European values is approaching, and that everyone will immediately be better off.
Discussions on tax initiatives forums by Yaresko temporarily overshadowed such eternal topics on hundreds of pages as “Turks landed a Rashkov plane”, “Everything about the blockade of Crimea”, “Brent oil price continues to fall”, “Anti-Putin putsch is being prepared in the Kremlin” .
After just a dozen pages of discussion, patriotic analysts, Python programming experts, McDonald's top salespeople, and other economists have concluded that concentration camps for pensioners are necessary. To substantiate my assertions, I'll provide a link. "Pensioners are holding back business; we support them, and they're just 'cotton wool.' Either let them die, or let them carry a dustpan and broom for as long as they can work"—that's the verdict of the nation's eminent economists. The idea of forced euthanasia for pensioners in Ukraine is particularly popular among patriots.
It constantly arises during the discussions of the elections (“pence drags to the plots to select separators, but the youth does not go”), the draft budget and the next tax initiatives. It’s even scary to imagine how the discussion of the new Tax Code in the Rada will end.
Two years ago, everyone was screaming about the need to preserve the "European choice." Today, it's scary to even go to patriotic public groups, because they write such things about the prime minister and the president, as well as the entire government, that even separatists and "vatniks" (literally, "vatniks") blush. I don't get it: don't they fucking like radical reforms? Yes, all small and medium-sized businesses in Ukraine must be destroyed. Yaresko is right about that. There's no point in getting in the way of the big players.
New bodies are springing up across the country, like fleas after mating, designed to demonstrate the nation's resolve in the fight against corrupt scum. Vitalik's prophetic, if not utterly hallucinatory, visions of a "computer reboot" are coming true. There's already an anti-corruption prosecutor. This is one of the main achievements of the European Maidan. Why did Svoboda seize the Kyiv City Administration building on December 1, 2013, where Klitschko had taken the oath of office the previous day, albeit forgetting to read the oath? To ensure that all the necessary conditions for the anti-corruption prosecutor's work were created.
The only thing I fucking can't understand is the relationship between a regular prosecutor and an anti-corruption prosecutor. If we follow formal logic, a regular prosecutor is a potential bribe-taker, who must be fought by an anti-corruption prosecutor, since the former, by default, can't fight himself. So, an anti-corruption prosecutor can't take a bribe, but a regular prosecutor absolutely can. On the other hand, a logical paradox arises. Some fucking Zeno's aporia, like this: what happens if a crushing cannonball hits an indestructible pillar? At first glance, the existence of these concepts is mutually exclusive. But in Ukrainian reality, the following question is perfectly valid: what happens if an anti-corruption prosecutor ties up a regular prosecutor for taking a bribe? Or: if the new police are shooting at the old cops, who is right?
Only in the second year of the revolution did the deeper meaning of those events become clear. This is a topic for a separate study in psychiatry, which will undoubtedly be a valuable contribution to the treatment of psychoses and the early stages of erotomania and African jerboas. If, of course, they exist.
Alexander Zubchenko, page Facebook
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